What Kind of Environment Are We for Each Other?

We tend to think of our environment as something physical.

The home we live in. The place where we work. The neighbourhood around us. The amount of noise, light or space we have.

But people are part of our environment too.

We can feel it without necessarily thinking about it. Around one person we speak freely. Around another, we choose our words more carefully. Some people make it easy to disagree, make a mistake or change our minds. With others, we may become quieter or more cautious.

Most of the time, we probably don't stop to ask why.

Life needs living. There is work to do, people to care about, problems to solve and ordinary days to get on with. Sometimes it takes a change in our lives — or simply time — before we begin to notice not only who we are, but what happens to us around different people.

And everyone we meet comes from somewhere.

We bring our families, experiences, expectations and habits into our relationships. We bring things we learned long ago, ideas shaped by the time and culture we grew up in, and ways of responding to the world that may once have made perfect sense.

So do the people around us.

Knowing this can make other people's behaviour easier to understand. Something that once seemed simply difficult may look different when we begin to see where it comes from.

But understanding is not the same as accepting everything.

We may genuinely believe we are helping someone while making their life more difficult. We may care deeply about another person and still fail to notice what our expectations, advice or reactions are doing to them.

Which makes the question work in both directions.

We can ask what kind of people and relationships we want around us.

But we can also ask:

What kind of environment am I for the people around me?

Can they disagree with me?

Can they make a mistake without worrying about what comes next?

Can they be different from me without having to defend it?

None of this means that we can — or should — make life perfectly comfortable for everyone around us. We influence each other, but we are not responsible for becoming whatever another person needs us to be.

Perhaps it is simply worth remembering that our environment is not made only of places.

We are part of it too.